I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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