from now on my penis is your penis
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
