let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
