watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
