He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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