Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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