So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
