You're completely useless in the revolution.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
