How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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