i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
