remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
