I think i peed on brittanys purse
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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