I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
