I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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