I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
