Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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