i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
