The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm always down for nudity.
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