Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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