The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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