I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
