i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
