She is in my trunk
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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