your parents love me but you hate me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
