you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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