it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
