i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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