Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
