She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
