I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
