I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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