OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
