rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
