Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
