Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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