I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
