Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
