the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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