Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
