its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
