What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
