I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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