Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
