put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
