When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
