Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
