so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
