I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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