I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
