my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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