You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
