YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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