Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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