one two three fourrrrnication!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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